wonder

I always wonder why it is...you need to get away from things... You need to find yourself in peace with being by your own. People get away, and you get away from them, life gets ''harder'', situations from the past start coming out and you don't even notice until you find a blank space in the mix tape of your mind. And it's a blurry image of what you idealize as your most important dream....what you need.. what you want... what you love, it's unclear.

let go.

I just need to let go. Let go what hurts the most. What makes your wear that crappy mask that is attached to your face and attached to your heart. I need to let go...and letting go, feels like death to me. Feels like.. I can have new hopes about happiness, but.. what is that? What does it really mean? ...if happiness is overrated, maybe its just that whisper, that comes and goes in waves...that comes with the wind, with the smiles... and fills the blanks...and saturates your soul just for seconds, to disappear completely at the next one. 

so...

So this is the part of the story that i don't understand. And i don't wanna know why i always dream that much. Maybe is my fault to create this kind of madness. That kind of sadness you can't control until it takes all over you... and the only thing you can do is wait.  Wait for something better or something worst that makes you forget your cries.

17:45

I just want to be alone. But not lonely. I need to feel the pleasure of simple things like drinking a coffee on a table by myself, maybe in a public place, where no one knows me Wearing whatever i feel like wearing and not caring about anything. Just like those clichè scenes on the movies, but even better. I want to be lonely, i want to walk around the streets of my country and remind where i live. Where am i from. Even if i get upset because of those mens looking at me like hungry dogs in search of meat. Even if i get dirty shoes, or my feet hurts. I want to walk. Walk alone. Where time drives me. Like if walking means I'll heal somehow... Some day, sailing away... Day by day.

03:09

Sometimes i wonder, how deep could be this pain. How long will it take to let this go? I'm obviously wrapped against time and wasting energy in some kind of joke, that we like to call love. [But let me tell you something]...Love is not my name, love is what I am, and today I realize that love is death. The death of me. So please kill me.